Today, let go of being hyper alert to pleasing everyone. Know that Love is at work in everyone's lives, giving them what they need. It is not your job to meet everyone else's needs or desires. You can help more by taking wise care of yourself and listening for genuine opportunities to be of service.
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In the book of John, Jesus says, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
Some of us have a bit of a poverty mindset. We don't want to take up too much room. We feel embarrassed and unworthy when people give us presents. We feel guilty or afraid when good comes into our lives. We fear having too much, taking too much. But Love itself is promising you an abundant life. Not just your basic needs for survival met. An abundant life. A life of more than enough. Love. Purpose. Friendship. Creativity. Opportunities for adventure and joy. A sense of safety and vitality. Inspired ideas to meet the challenges of your life. Your daily needs more than met. This is not to say, of course, that we should not be mindful of our consumption patterns and commit to environmental sustainability and social justice. But we can start with the awareness of divine abundance and Love's great love for us. Instead of pushing goodness away, literally or emotionally, practice saying thank you, with an open heart. For many of us, much of our suffering comes from the sense that we are essentially flawed and have to hide it or fight it. Often these beliefs are a result of conclusions we accepted about ourselves in childhood.
Today, know that you are beautiful and good. Feel the truth of this permeating your being.This has always been true. Think of yourself at different ages and send a message to that self: you are beautiful and good. Cherish your younger self with great tenderness. (This is not to say we have always made good decisions - only that our essential nature has always been beautiful and good and deserves to be held in that knowledge and appreciation.) This does not make us complacent or support denial. It allows us to drop shame, see more clearly, and stop getting in our own way. If you are feeling performance anxiety - the sense that you have to make a good impression, do a perfect job, please everyone - focus instead of gratitude for the opportunity. Gratitude for good work. Gratitude for meeting new people or supporting those you already know. See your work, paid or unpaid, as a gift to you, from Love. Accept it without fretting over your worthiness. Be gracious and grateful. Love itself gives you the power and ability to do this.
Today, recognize how many people help you. The people who pave your streets or package your food or make sure water runs into your house. Your friends, family, and co-workers who support you in numerous practical and emotional ways. The books, music, shows, art that offer you inspiration.
This practice counters our cultural narrative that we are doing-it-alone and that accepting help is weakness or a frightening dependency. It opens our heart and cultivates a humility and willingness to let Love be present with us, supporting us. One of the bits of wisdom I've been holding to recently is: be more comfortable with discomfort. To create new patterns or stretch ourselves causes discomfort. Or life just throws us some suffering. Either way, lowering our fear and resistance and judgments can help.
This morning, I had a surprising idea: be more comfortable with comfort. I realized that when I feel a sense of peace and calm, I can also respond with anxiety. Maybe I fear I will be lulled into complacency. Maybe I fear I won't be on guard, prepared, for the next challenge. Maybe discomfort or worry just feels more familiar. But today, I will embrace feelings of peace and calm - sense them as a divine gift - and be more comfortable with comfort. Here are a number of thoughts that came to me today:
Ellen Hendricksen in her book on social anxiety called How to Be Yourself recommends asking yourself what you would be doing if you were feeling confident - and then doing it. She says not to wait until you feel confident to take action. If you tend to get yourself mentally and emotionally tied in knots, pay less attention to what you are thinking and feeling, and more attention to what you are doing. Take positive, healthy action, regardless of your internal state. I also realized that it's okay, even necessary, to give yourself breaks from trying so hard. If you have been striving to be brave and do hard things, it's okay to give yourself a cozy, restful, down time. And then a line from a hymn came to me: "Not what I am, but what Thou art." You can focus less on your own personal efforts and more on resting in what Love is. Right now, I'm trying to change a bunch of ineffective habits. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the the number of changes I'm trying to make at once, the challenge, and the variety of habit-change tips in books I've been reading.
When I woke up this morning and begun mulling over this problem, a new habit change strategy appeared in my mind, not listed in any of my books: radical honesty. How do I feel when I eat that much chocolate? How do I feel when I sit for hours on the computer without getting up to move? How do I feel when I don't drink water all day? How do I feel when I avoid the thing that is making me afraid? For today, I will worry less about my goals and strategies and focus more on telling myself the truth. Not what I wish were true. Not excuses for my decisions. The truth. Recently, I attended a training that had lots of imperfections. The physical space was not inspiring. Participants kept wandering in late, so the first instructor had to keep adjusting his presentation. He had a confused, annoyed expression on his face. The other instructor kept interrupting the main instructor to clarify and give mini-speeches, which also threw him off. A translator, loud-whispering to one of the participants, made it hard to hear. Another participant needed hearing support, so we all had to manage an awkward microphone.
Yet, I found the class very inspiring and helpful. I felt the presence of Soul, Love there. The instructors really wanted to share and help. The participants were open and ready to learn. Everyone had kind hearts. And it worked. Perfection hides in imperfection. Today, do what you know is good for you, even if you don't want to. You don't have to wait for the desire before you make good choices. You can even complain and grouse like a petulant child, if you want.
You also don't have to feel ready to face a fear, aim for a goal, make a positive change. Ellen Hendricksen writes in her book on social anxiety, How to Be Yourself: "There is a myth that you have to feel confident to be ready. In truth, you gain confidence by doing things before you are ready, while you are still scared. . . . Rather than waiting until we feel ready, we can get out there to practice, and our confidence will catch up. . . . While you are in the early stages, base your achievement on what you do rather than how you feel. . . . Your anxiety isn't credible, so don't ask it for feedback. Instead, look at what you did. Let your accomplishment be the measure of your success." |
AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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