Angela Watson in her teaching book Fewer Things, Better reminds us that there is always more we can do to help others, to improve our work, our communities, and our lives. Therefore, our to do list will always be too long. We won't be able to do everything we want or think we should. We need time to take care of ourselves and renew, too. So the trick is to ask: in the time that I have, what is the choice I could make that would have the most impact? (She, of course, is talking about time teachers have for work, but that question can be translated to other areas. We can't do it all. What choice could I make that would have the most impact?)
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Recently, a friend had a dramatic, complicated loss.
As I prayed and meditated on how to best be a support, I realized that being mesmerized by the shocking sadness of the events, by the story, was not a help. I need to lower the drama and be attuned to the needs of each moment. This moment. This next moment. Keep drama down and kindness up. Lowering the drama-factor also helps keeps overwhelming emotions in proper proportion so that we don't shut down or unintentionally burden those who are suffering with our own needs. In moments of crisis, we want so much to be useful, to be helpful, to communicate love, to feel as if we have something to contribute. Underneath, without realizing it, we may also be asking for a greater sense of control in the face of senseless loss or be asking for reassurance. Do not burden another with this. As much as possible, avoid asking a person who has had a great loss to meet your needs. Turn to others for that. Treat yourself as you would your own beloved child. You notice when your child is hungry or thirsty or needs rest - and act accordingly. You know when that child needs downtime or some encouragement. You know when to help that child process a feeling - or when to distract from a feeling and not give it too much power. You respect where that child is developmentally and provide the right amount of support and challenge. Do this for yourself. Respect where you are developmentally - and respond accordingly.
The other night I had a dream that I had a student, a teenager, who was timid and anxious because she had domineering, controlling parents who frightened her. I held her, pressed my whole body against her (in the emergency way you might try to pass your warmth to someone who is freezing to death) so that healing might flow through me into her and help restore the parts of her that had been wounded.
Today, treat your inner child with that same sort of care. Let your wise, mature, solid, settled self pass warmth, stability, care, life-giving energy to those parts of you that are nervous or sad. Don't judge yourself for those "immature" parts of yourself - only have compassion and give healing care. Recognize that what others might most need is just to be held in your healing, caring presence - nothing more. This morning, I was reading the article "Lessons in True Compassion" by Gabriela Mejía in the Christian Science Journal. She pointed out how much the Children of Israel grumbled and complained during their many years in the wilderness, even as God provided much evidence of care: water from a rock, manna from heaven. Yet God never left them, never stopped providing care.
Lately, I have been beating myself up when I look back over my day and recognize moments when I complained about little stuff, arrived at judgments without all the information and then shared my opinion, or shared stories about others that were not mine to share or did not show full compassion or respect. My shame makes me feel small and unworthy. The article pointed out that even when the Israelites were small-minded, God was still with them. God was still accompanying them. God was still providing for them. Their behavior did not send God away (although it did not contribute to their happiness and sense of possibility.) Today, feel that Love is with you. Love forgives you. A deep sense of God's love, presence, and possibility will transform your mental habits - not shame. It is easy to see ego at work in those who demand constant affirmation, who dominate without listening, who need power and status to feel safe and worthy.
But even in those less self focused, Ego can play a big role: in our need to feel needed, in the feeling that only we can be the one to help, in an overburdened to do list, in righteous outrage and fierce opinions. Today, to soften ego, know that there is a Mind greater than your mind, embracing us all. We can devote our attention to feeling Love loving us all, Mind directing us all - to being useful and attentive where we can, while also recognizing that our opinions are based on limited information, that people are on their own journeys and will find support and insight from many avenues. We are not alone. We have Spirit with us. We have other good people doing their good work. After Jesus dies, the apostles gather, along with a crowd of people from many nations who speak many languages. They feel the presence of the Holy Ghost, the presence of Love, Spirit, and are "in one accord." As the apostle speak to the audience, the guests all hear them speak in their own language.
Today, know there is a Spirit with you, in your groups and relationships, that allow you to be "of one accord." This Presence also speaks to each of us in exactly the language that makes sense to us, meeting our precise need. This Spirit also gives us an appreciation of difference and a trust in the way Love speaks to each of us. Today, your most important job is to feel the presence of Soul - deep, rich, speaking to each person in the way they can understand, attending to our hearts' deepest needs. You can't and won't know each person's need, but you can hold the space for Soul. You can acknowledge and feel the presence of Soul in each interaction, meeting, or gathering. This is more important than anything else you can be doing. The sense of the presence of Soul creates stillness. It promotes synchronicity. It yields wisdom. It helps us let go of false responsibility. It promotes trust. It promotes healing. It helps us let go of our ineffective need for control.
In the Bible, the disciples hear a voice over Jesus saying, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well-pleased."
Today, Love is saying the same to you: "You are my beloved child in whom I am well-pleased." Feel that divine approval for your essential self. Bathe in it. It's more powerful than any lingering judgments from human parents, from critical peers, from misguided cultural values. Your essential self is born of Spirit and loved by Spirit. Love is speaking the same words to others, too. The book of Mathew tells a story. A few of Jesus disciples were with him on a high mountain, when Jesus' face and clothes began to glow with light and suddenly he was talking to the long-dead Elijah and Moses. When the moment was over, the disciples were overcome and wanted to do something to commemorate the moment. They offer to build three sacred tents, one for each of the holy men.
Then the voice of God booms through the clouds as says, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well-pleased. Listen to him." Today, notice the human tendency, in response to a meaningful or uplifting experience, to create work. While we are in the midst of a good time with friends, we suddenly think we have to plan the next get together - maybe create a book club, a meal club, a yearly reunion. In the middle of a vacation we are enjoying, we start planning the next one. In the middle of a wonderful meal, we start anticipating how we might have such an experience again. Someone has an accomplishment, and we want to throw a party, give an award. In the middle of a gorgeous hike, we decide we have to hike the Appalachian Trail. In the midst of planning, hear Love's voice booming through: I am right here, right now. Listen to me. I am giving you a present. Your don't need to do anything but accept and appreciate. Be filled with wonder. My work is spiritual and does not always need a material accompaniment. Of course, clubs and travel planning and honoring people with ceremonies can be important and meaningful - and inspired - but don't do them compulsively and without thought. Don't let them be a way to avoid experiencing the full wonder and presence and activity of Love, right here and now. |
AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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