At the same time, when we try to care for others before we have cared properly for ourselves, sometimes our caring has a needy quality, which can feel like an imposition. In our effort to help, we might actually be making unintentional demands on others to soothe our agitation or to make us feel useful and valuable. This can be particularly true in times of grief: in our effort to soothe a grieving person, we might actually add to their burden because we haven't taken care of our own sense of loss.
If we want to be of real help to others, we must recognize our own needs - and be responsible and conscious in attending to them in healthy ways. If we "tend and befriend" ourselves, then we can "tend and befriend" others without unintentionally making burdensome demands.