Remember that the thoughts that swirl in your mind, your concerns and obsessions, are just such a small part of your being. You are much bigger than you realize. In the space around your habitual ruminations is great wisdom and calm. You can pull back from your familiar thoughts and rest in a bigger space of awareness.
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As Western people, we carry a model of ourselves: our bodies are vehicles to carry our brains, which is the center of the identity, and our thoughts are reality.
Today, experiment with feeling the center of the self elsewhere. Feel the center of self and knowing in your heart. Feel the center of the self and knowing in the warmth and energy that surrounds your body. Feel the center of the self in Spirit, from which all life emanates. Instead of experiencing yourself as trapped in a skull and trying to find your way with limited information and half-baked conclusions, feel yourself as the pulsing of Life itself. From Wayne Muller’s book How, Then, Shall We Live?
“Many of us naturally assume that a spiritual life is very hard work. This is not quite accurate. Rather trying to have a spiritual life is very hard work indeed. Trying to pray, trying to meditate, trying to study scriptures, trying to get healed, trying to act spiritually all the time - this can make anyone exhausted and miserable. We assume that the hardest, most difficult path will always be the most fruitful in the end and that the more we bring suffering on ourselves, the more generously we will be rewarded. But if we listen to the great saints and teachers of the world, we are struck by one common theme: They all speak of how gentle it can be. Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest . . . My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Thomas Merton says that in the moment we stop working for ourselves and begin working for the divine, we will be amazed how easily it all goes.” Meet whatever arises in you today with love. (Weariness. Fear. Obsession. Distraction. Discouragement . . . ) Maybe you fear that meeting the more difficult parts of yourself with love will enable or coddle them, feed or magnify them. Test it and see! Blast some love and affection at yourself all day. Many of us are caught in a constant stream of negative self-judgments, from the moment we wake up. We don’t always catch them because they are so habitual and because they often arrive in feelings rather than words. We might have subtle negative assessments of our sleeping habits, our appearance, our food habits, our fears, the way we manage our relationships, how we keep our houses, how we use our time, our work habits, what we give or don’t give others, how we manage our money, how we participate, or don’t, politically, how we parent. Of course we need to examine areas in which we are causing ourselves or others suffering or are not living in alignment with our values. Yet that constant, nagging criticism often adds unnecessary, complicating weights to our lives, like tying bricks all over our bodies and trying to walk. And that critical voice is rarely rational, or in perspective, and often gives contradictory criticism. For example, you might think you don’t work hard enough, yet when you work hard, that same voice criticizes you for not knowing how to relax.
So what do we do? Our first response might be to criticize the critical voice. To add one more layer to our self-critique. That obviously isn’t useful. We can recognize that this is a common experience. There isn’t anything uniquely wrong with us. We can recognize that the thoughts that seem so personal are actually quite common - and often culturally imposed. We can catch the thoughts - and wrap them in kindness and compassion. We can see the thoughts, not as not part of us, but passing through us, the way debris might float on a river we are watching. We can know that there is a Mind bigger than our human thoughts which is knowing us, thinking us, being through us. We can feel that Love is forming us and surrounding us. We can let go a little. In the wake of the protests and riots in the aftermath of the death of George Floyd, here are some thoughts from this morning. What looks like anger is really broken-heartedness. Yes, we need solutions. But in this raw moment, what those-who-suffer most need is acknowledgement of that suffering, companionship in that suffering, open-hearted care as you would give anyone who is grieving.
Often, we try to separate ourselves from the pain of raw grief by discussion of causes, solutions, politics. We tout opinions. We make predictions. We feel energized or discouraged by the awareness of the magnitude of the work to be done. We might feel guilty for our own privileges. All of this serves to distance us from what is most needed in the moment: the willingness to sit with someone else in their pain. And even if we don’t know a particular person to support, sending this particular spirit of care into world is healing. We can feel the companioning love of Love sitting with those who are suffering - touching the deepest places in their heart with care and comfort and strength and a sense of their own wholeness. Both Buddhism and Christianity use metaphors of gardening. What seeds are you watering in consciousness and character and what weeds are you pulling?
I had an insight this morning. I have spent many years with some solid gardening skills: watering seeds of love, appreciation, courage - pulling weeds of discouragement, bitterness, subtle forms of dishonesty, etc. I was surprised this morning to see that I have been watering weeds of busyness and anxiety, and they are a tangled mess that can steal all the sunlight and nutrients from my fruits and veggies. The problem is that all this time they were growing, I didn’t realize they were weeds! Today, I will pull weeds. Today, whatever arises in you today - whether fear, discouragement, grief, weariness, etc. - meet it with gentle kindness. Attacking, blaming, dismissing, repressing, judging, indulging, excusing yourself does not help. However, holding yourself in deep care and love and forgiveness gives you steadiness, wisdom, and discernment.
This morning, before I started my spiritual study, I found myself opening a weekly email because I knew it would annoy me - and I was curious to see how the writer would push my buttons this time. What?! What’s that about? Maybe a dash of self-righteousness, superiority, and anger gives me a burst of energy when I am feeling a little low. Maybe it’s easier to feel annoyance, tinged with blame, than to acknowledge the grief and impossible questions at this difficult time. Today, I will be mindful of using indignation like a drug - to provide energy and bind me to others who enjoy complaining with me - and instead acknowledge how little I actually know and give my full and loving attention to what is my responsibility and in my control.
Today, you know what you need to do. There are no magic shortcuts. Your ordinary, daily choices are the magic. If you are feeling confused, ask yourself the advice you would give if you were a beloved friend. You know.
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AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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