"It is necessary to learn that you are worthy of being loved. Buddha put it quite simply: 'You can search the whole universe and not find a single being more worthy of love and compassion than the one seated here - yourself.' Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are not weaknesses, but the roots of our courage and magnanimity. Sometimes compassion for ourselves and others seems hard to find. But even if you lose touch with those feelings during your most intense suffering, compassion is an essential part of our true nature. In fact, it is in this self-compassion and self-love that you find the strength to carry the lamp through your darkest nights. And it is first by practicing self-compassion that you find not only a way to hold your own struggles and sorrows in your heart - but through them you learn how to connect with the sufferings and sorrows of all those around."
From Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield's book A Lamp in the Darkness:
"It is necessary to learn that you are worthy of being loved. Buddha put it quite simply: 'You can search the whole universe and not find a single being more worthy of love and compassion than the one seated here - yourself.' Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are not weaknesses, but the roots of our courage and magnanimity. Sometimes compassion for ourselves and others seems hard to find. But even if you lose touch with those feelings during your most intense suffering, compassion is an essential part of our true nature. In fact, it is in this self-compassion and self-love that you find the strength to carry the lamp through your darkest nights. And it is first by practicing self-compassion that you find not only a way to hold your own struggles and sorrows in your heart - but through them you learn how to connect with the sufferings and sorrows of all those around."
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From Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield's book A Lamp in the Darkness:
"Grief and loss and suffering, even depression and spiritual crisis - the dark nights of the soul - only worsen when we try to ignore or deny or avoid them. The healing journey begins when we face them and learn out to work with them. When we stop fighting against our difficulties and find the strength to meet our demons and difficulties head on, we often find that we emerge stronger and more humble and grounded than we were before. To survive our difficulties is to become initiated into the fraternity of wisdom. The real tragedy is when we refuse to acknowledge and respect our own suffering, and instead spread it unconsciously to others." In the beautiful essay "Every Moment is an Act of Faith" by Gabriel Heller in this month's Sun magazine, the writer shares a turning point. He had been an atheist. He had reached a low point in his life: damaged by a history of suicide in his family and the shadow of relatives imprisoned during the Holocaust, he is doing too many drugs and is unwilling to fully commit to his girlfriend. He and his girlfriend are guests at a wedding. He drinks too much and can't attend the celebratory brunch. They drive away, but have to pull over because he is sick. He tells his girlfriend he wants to be alone:
"I was sure some sort of poison was running through me. I leaned against the window and saw my face in the side mirror. My eyes looked so sad. I was twenty-nine years old, and I wanted to die. Powerless and afraid, I called out, Help me, God. Please help me. And suddenly there was this warm, clear light all around me, and I had the sensation of being lifted into it. The experience lasted only a few seconds. My eyes burning with tears, I looked up and saw Sara walking back the the car, the Atlantic Ocean behind her, and these words came to me: For the terrible pain of being alive, I give you love." He proposes to Sara. He begins, for the first time, to attend synagogue. When Pilate warns Jesus that Pilate has the power to save or crucify him, Jesus responds, "Though couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above."
Today, know that the authority in your life is Love, Truth, Spirit. This authority is higher and more powerful than any human authority figure (boss, teacher, parent, politician, etc.) who seems to influence your life. Let go of the fear and frustration you may have about authority figures. In order to see more clearly and know which steps to take, begin by trusting the Higher Authority, who knows and cherishes you, who directs your dreams, activities, and career. No matter how besieged you feel by worries, the need to take action, the need to solve a problem, make a plan, speak your opinion, begin by feeling Love's love for you - unconditional, unwavering, uninfluenced by others opinions or even your criticisms of yourself. First, let Love embrace you, rejoice in you, hold you in safety, until you feel steady.
From Ginny Moyer's new book Taste and See: Experiencing the Goodness of God with our Five Senses:
"A few years ago, I read Anthony DeMello's book Sadhana: A Way to God. In it, he describes a prayer exercise recommended by St. Teresa of Avila, one that is deceptively simple: imagine Jesus looking at you, lovingly and humbly . . . The first time I tried it, I imagined Jesus looking straight at me, at close range, with love and humility in his eyes. It felt awkward: my immediate impulse was to look over my shoulder to see who was standing behind me. Then I turned back, and Jesus was till looking at me with infinite love and a smile that seared my heart and I found myself crying . . . I'm not worthy, I kept thinking, but the more I sat there, the more I began to believe that perhaps I am. I started to believe that maybe Jesus is a little easier on my than I am on myself, that he sees my flaws but he also sees beyond them, to the very best of me, the heart of who I really am." Today, imagine Christ, the Buddha, Love itself, your wisest and most beloved friend gazing at you. Ask to see in yourself what they see in you. See others the same ways - through wise, discerning, loving eyes from which no truth can be hid. In the article, "Beauty - More than Skin Deep," in the April 25th edition of the Christian Science Sentinel, Karen McCoy writes about her childhood obsession with fashion magazines and the desire to beautiful:
"Looking back on it now, I really think that my childhood wish was actually a desire to be loved, and I thought that if I looked beautiful, as the magazines portrayed beauty, I would be loved. And who doesn’t want to be loved, accepted, and cherished?" Today, recognize that feeling ugly is masking the feeling of being unworthy and the desire to be attractive is actually the desire to be loved and accepted. Begin by feeling Love embracing you, whispering to you of your worth and value. From Tara Brach's True Refuge:
"Most of us are working so hard. It's like we're in a motorboat noisily zipping around, trying to find a place that is quiet, peaceful, and still. We're solving a problem, responding to demands, preparing for what's next, improving ourselves. But we're just making more waves and noise wherever we go. It counters all our ambitious conditioning, but true freedom comes when we throttle back the motor and come naturally into stillness. What we are seeking is not "out there," not an improved self that just requires more vigilant effort or control. It is the silent awareness that is always right here, discovered in the background of whatever we experience." From Tara Brach's True Refuge:
"Is it so bad to try to improve ourselves, or to want others to think well of us? Is it even bad to want to feel good about ourselves? The problem is that in managing life, we aren't living it fully. By expending all our energy on meeting our 'good person' standards, we risk missing out on the comfort and intimacy we might have shared." Today, forgive yourself for all the little ways in which you feel you have failed yourself or others: the thoughtless repeated gossip, the forgotten obligation, the lack of patience or empathy. Imagine toddlers: guided and corrected, yes, but forgiven all because they are just learning. So are we learning, and need acceptance, patience, lack of judgment, and unconditional love to be able to grow into our fullest selves. Much more effective - and more difficult - than self-rebuke or self-punishment is self-forgiveness. Do the hard thing. Forgive yourself again and again.
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AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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