- People are having a hard time - so extend kindness. Err on the side of generosity over rigidity.
- Ideas from a group I recently attended on how to support yourself during this time:
- Don’t compare yourself to others - or to your previous self.
- Focus on short term goals - and give yourself immediate rewards.
- Give yourself positive reinforcement.
The messages for today are simple and practical:
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Inspired by a mini-talk by Buddhist teacher Gil Fronsal:
Because we are all one, to give to myself is to give to others and to give to others is to give to myself. Therefore, we can have less fear about being selfish in caring for ourselves - or feeling drained in giving to others. Also, I have made a lot of progress in accepting gifts from others in a gracious, appreciative way instead of feeling embarrassed and unworthy. I have been working on taking better care of myself - giving myself gifts - but I realize I can accept those gifts with more open-hearted appreciation. One of the ways human’s handle stress is to retreat into a mental habit of shoulds - all the ways we think others should behave or the high standards we have for ourselves which, of course, we are not meeting. Today, everytime you feel a should rise up - release it into the presence of Loving Kindness, acceptance, forgiveness.
This is not to say that we accept everything and never have an opinion or fight for change, but by releasing our shoulds into Love, we can separate out those that are mere human opinion, a habit of anxiety, or fearful grasping toward control from legitimate needs. We can then let energizing, restful Love, instead of persnickety righteousness or relentless taskmastering govern us. Today, know that it is spring inside your being. Just as the flowers push through the dirt and buds blossom - without resistance, willpower, or stubborn effort - so life and creativity and vitality is blossoming in you. Naturally. Right now. Today.
Know this is happening for others, too. Today, you don’t need to try so hard. Today, trust the natural flow of Love, Spirit. Let your fears and agitations and “shoulds” settle. Trust what other people bring - it’s not your job to be the energy and insight and inspiration and motivation and correction for others. Notice when you are being given gifts - gifts of time, of joy, of affection. Don’t turn gifts away.
Recently, it’s been helping me to think of those areas I want to improve as habits rather than moral failings or psychological issues. To consider our areas of struggle as moral issues can layer them with shame, which entrenches them further. Seeing them as psychological issues makes me feel as if I have to do lots of digging and work to make change-and makes them seem dark and serious.
To see them as habits takes away judgment and makes them seem easier to tackle - and makes me more patient, less burdened, and more persistent in the process. A habit is just a familiar groove in the brain - and it just takes time and practice to build a new pathway. Today, trust your desires. For rest. For fun. For activity. For connection. For creativity. For work. Listen to the desires of the moment. Listen for the rhythms of the divine Schedule.
In Western culture, we see our mind, our brain, as our “self.” We are so much more! Today, imagine that the center of your “self” is in your heart, or chest, or center of your body. Or in Spirit, located outside the outline of your body. Or radiating from Spirit itself. This can help us soothe worry, see more broadly, act more intuitively. We are not our brains. Kristin Neff, the guru of the self-compassion movement, in her interview on the 10% Happier podcast, How to Go Easy on Yourself in a Pandemic, recommends speaking the words to yourself that you would like an honest, loving, devoted friend to say to you - to remind you about yourself, to assure you. Most of us have an active, loud internal voice that gives us a list of how we are falling short. Cultivate another voice of comfort, assurance, perspective, and love.
The former surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy, in his soon to be released book on loneliness Together, shares what he believes are the core human needs: to be seen and understood for who we are, to feel that we matter, and to know that we are loved.
Today, as you think about the gifts you can give others, and the quality of relationships you want to attract and nurture, remember these . . . |
AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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