Easier said than done. The book The Worry Cure shares a strategy borrowed from mindfulness practices to help us recognize that our thoughts are not reality. When you notice an anxious thought, say to yourself, "I am having the thought that . . . " This will help your busy-worried mind recognize that your thought does not equal truth. Today, practice, "I am having the thought that . . ."
You have probably heard the bumpersticker, fridge-magnet worthy saying, "Don't believe everything you think."
Easier said than done. The book The Worry Cure shares a strategy borrowed from mindfulness practices to help us recognize that our thoughts are not reality. When you notice an anxious thought, say to yourself, "I am having the thought that . . . " This will help your busy-worried mind recognize that your thought does not equal truth. Today, practice, "I am having the thought that . . ."
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As you decide what to do today, instead of being motivated by fear, give gifts. For example:
Instead of worrying that if you don't exercise, you'll have all kinds of negative consequences, ask what kind of gifts your body would like to day and give them. Instead of worrying that your messy house (or something similar) is deteriorating into chaos and a symbol of all your failures, ask what gifts you can give your house and the people in it. Instead of worrying that you are not fulfilling your creative goals, ask what gifts you can give your creativity. Instead of worrying about others and imagining that you are responsible for solving their problems, ask what gifts you can give. Giving is fun and makes our heart light and full. Giving lifts burdens. Our minds are often filled with criticisms and judgments about things that don't matter much and we can't do anything about: maybe other people's manners or how they drive or dress or talk or keep their houses or spend their money. These judgments take up space in our mind and weigh us down and do no good for ourselves or others. They often take the fullness of a person and narrow that richness and complexity down to one behavior. Those judgments block the empathy that brings healing and connection.
Today, we ask Love to lead us from the distraction of meaningless judgment and to fill us with open-hearted affection and a willingness to see clearly. We often hear the phrase "God loves you." But we all know there are people in our lives we love, but don't like. Sometimes we think God loves us like that: with a big sigh for the ways we are difficult and disappointing.
But God doesn't just love us: God likes us. Our sense of humor. Our quirky way of being in the world. Our talents and tastes and uniqueness. God enjoys us. Today, feel that God not only loves you, but genuinely likes you. Today, accept Love's gifts to you. Accept offers of help. Accept compliments. Accept presents. Accept a happy thought that comes to you. Accept an act of kindness you want to do for yourself. Accept moments of joy.
Sometimes we resist. Maybe we come from a family which didn't accept gifts well; we don't feel worthy; we believe that our only worth and identity is in what we give others; we believe our only worth and identity is in our hard work and self-sacrifice; we secretly believe we need to punish ourselves for past deeds or to keep ourselves pure or motivated; we are out of the habit; we believe there is too much suffering in the world to take any joy for ourselves; we don't want to feel dependent or obligated; we believe our worth is in our self-sufficiency. All of these beliefs blind and bind us. How do you feel when you offer a generous gift - one you genuinely want to give and know is needed - and someone rejects it for unhealthy reasons? Don't be that person. Practice accepting gifts. Today, feel and know that Love, Soul, loves you and all in your vicinity with great fierceness and depth and tenderness. As you walk into a room with others, the best gift you can give is this awareness. If you are tempted to judge or have opinions or feel overly responsible for others' experience or emotions, just feel this powerful Love speaking to you and each person in just the way they can feel and understand.
Two quotes from Anne Lamott's book Almost Everything:
"The God with whom you are having problems, or whom you hate or ridicule, is not the God we are talking about . . . . We are talking about a higher power, a power that might be called Not Me, a kindness, a patience, a hope, which is everywhere, even in our annoying, self-centered, fraudulent selves. . . . It can't be controlled, manipulated, or appropriated. It opens us and heals us and brings us together and turns hearts of stone into human hearts. Anytime you are experiencing love, you are experiencing the God we are talking about . . . a force greater than ourselves, bigger than we can imagine, way bigger than we are comfortable with, better than we can hope for, deeper than where we can fall, beyond mind and awe." "You are pre-approved." Yes, it's important to be hardworking, sincere, disciplined, committed to self-improvement and to easing the world's suffering. But we need breaks from taking ourselves so seriously.
Today, have a light heart. Do what is yours to do, but without so much seriousness and urgency. Be gentle. Notice what is funny. If you feel grateful or delighted or peaceful, hold those moments a beat longer than you normally do. Know that if you take a break from your seriousness, the world will not fall apart. Trust Love to do Love's work, even without your monitoring and constant attention. Today, ask that your thoughts and actions be motivated by love and not fear. Often our efforts, although they appear positive and productive, are undergirded by fear: the desire to minimize uncertainty, control the future, avoid discomfort, be liked, be assured of safety. Fear keeps us in our busy-whirling minds and makes us the center of a very small universe. Love helps us let go of the need to control, gives us empathy for ourselves, loosens perfectionism, helps us feel the beauty, holiness and opportunities in the moment, fills us with gratitude, helps us discern and meet genuine needs, slows us down, helps us see possibility, and gives us a more steady sense of trust in ourselves, others, and the divine.
Today, practice loving by loving yourself. Speak to yourself and of yourself in a loving manner. Treat your body with love. Let the demands you make of yourself be shaped by love. Love includes dignity, affection, warmth, forgiveness, and realistic expectations.
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AuthorTarn Wilson is the author of the memoir The Slow Farm and numerous essays. You may read more of her work at tarnwilson.com. Archives
September 2020
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